My nipple is on Facebook.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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