took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
