I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
