I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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