btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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