Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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