im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I believe in your delicious
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
