my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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