He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Life is so much better after having sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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