when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
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