You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
