Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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