So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
