just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
