guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
