I never want to see another naked old woman again.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
