So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
