Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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