he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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