don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
