Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
