there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
