Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
