i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
