While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
