She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
