Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
