I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
