she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
