my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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