okay pat passed out under dana's car
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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