Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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