It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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