You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
