fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
