if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
