were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
