There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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