I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
That's intense
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
