At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
