ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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