Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
