dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
