yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
