it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
