office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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