I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
