He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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