we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
