I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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