You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
