I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
