She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
