1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
