she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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