If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just forgot I was standing up.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
