That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
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