i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I look better un-naked...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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