i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
