Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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