Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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