I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
