Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
