D3 body, D1 cock
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
