This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
