goodnight i made you a song goodbye
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
