her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
