You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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