Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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