Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
