who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize