You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
