Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize