Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
