holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
