I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
